Free or slave?

Do i have to be another girl? Sometimes I feel like everyone is always teling me to be a diferent person than i naturly am, and i just don't get it, how am i suppose to love myself when everyone is clearly saying that that is a problem? I always have to grow up, it just seems like i am never good enough. I am always jealous of other people, I am always question myself and asking to be different. I am over it, i am just so tired of feeling bad for who I am all the time. I just want to be free, I want not to care, because it just hurt, always. Deep down i wanna to be her, the happy soft swit girl with a broken smile because it just seems so dam easy. But i am fucking not, I am not that kind of girl and I am trying really hard to accept who I am and don't need everyone to do the same. But it's often, I don't want to be that jealous girl, the victim of the world, always suffering and always complaining. I just wanna be free, but at the same time I want to be slave of someone acceptence. What am I? Do I love myself? What I want to be? Free or slave?